We met in a stuffy hallway seven weeks ago. As soon as we approached the playroom, I saw her nanny holding her. She placed this tiny little girl in my arms and immediately that little girl began to smile.
I've been dreaming of adopting a baby girl from China since I was 8 years old and finally, here she was in my arms. Joy, fear, elation, a feeling of "Oh my gosh. Can I really do this?" that enters my mind every time I meet one of my babies.
But instantly, we fell in love. My soul said "Hey, there you are. I've been looking for you."
Our transition hasn't been easy, but each day it gets easier and most of it's been what we expected -- Some behavior issues from the boys, some sleep issues from her. But she's settling in and the boys are finally enjoying being big brothers. Max told me last night "She's my daughter. I'm Little Max Mama." He insisted on snuggling her until bedtime.
Some things we haven't expected, though.
Since I met her, I've had concerns about her hearing and we confirmed on Tuesday that as of now, she's almost completely deaf. It may be fixable, it may not be. We have several weeks ahead of us before we have any answers.
And last week, I noticed a little spot on her spine, a spot that immediately had me wondering "maybe this isn't CP." Today, our developmental clinic doctors agreed that, given the tightness in her legs, it very possibly could be something else -- either spina bifida or a tethered spinal cord.
None of this we expected and some we even said we couldn't handle.
But I look at her. I look at her and I see my daughter. I look at her and I see the daughter of my Heavenly Father and for some reason, I am the one He chose to be her mama. Even when I said "No, I can't do that," He chose me for her.
We do not know what the future holds for Lorelai, but we know we love her and we know we will do everything in our power to help her thrive.
She is ours and we are hers. No. Matter. What.